Comes The Knight

I came here to study.  But mostly, I came here to visit him, to see him and get a glimpse of that flashy smile I love so much.


Instead, I'm sitting out here on the kitchen table, alone, class notes opened in front of me, but unable concentrate.  He?  In his room, playing Diablo.  Fun game I must say.  I'm rather addicted.  But I can't help but feel a tiny bit of loath towards the game, for sometimes I feel that I am second best when compared.  I know I'm not, and I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it.  It's hard to journey all the way to visit someone when I barely a proper greeting.  He didn't even get out of his lying position to even take time to appreciate the fact I'm standing right there in front of him.  Perhaps he did, and it's my fault for being such a princess I feel like it wasn't enough.  I feel a bit pointless here.  It makes no difference whether I'm in the house or not at this point, for neither of us are acknowledging each other.  Is this normal behaviour?  I guess it is for us.  Then why do I still a bit unnatural over this?  If it's normal I shouldn't be feeling all these emotions.  I hate myself so so much for being like this.  I can always join him, and have fun with him.  But I feel that at this point, if I log on, I won't be able to have fun like the way I normally do.
Do I do this to him when he comes over?  I don't think so, but I'll make sure I pay attention to my actions next time.  
I know he doesn't mean to be rude.  He's a good guy.  If I tell him to stop, I know he will.  But I wouldn't feel too happy doing so, because I know it wasn't voluntary.  And honestly, if I tell him to stop, I don't know what we can really do together.  I'm always up for going outside, but the weather today isn't as good as yesterday, and he has to study for his midterm tomorrow, so I can't drag him into doing something that will suck up his entire day.


It's deja vu.  I'm am holding everything in.  I can't get mad.  I can't rage for it will solve nothing.  I must change and learn to let things go and not take everything so seriously.  It's only a game.  I need not to start a war with Diablo, because I know once Diablo is over, another game will take its place, and it'll be the same thing over again.  I must learn to appreciate his love for games.  And I do.
He has taught me so much yesterday about techniques and ways I can survive longer.  I believe I'm better than I used to be, and for me, improvement is always shined upon by a positive light.


I'm calming down now.  Heartbeat returning to regular pace.  HP recovering slowly.  I am good.  Today will be a good day.


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He just came out, for a second I thought he came to say hi, but he went into the bathroom.  


Let it go Linda... let it go... :(


Oh he came and hugged me.  


Smile Linda.  
I must smile.
Choke the tears and the runny nose.  I am loved.  I am appreciated.  Life is happy.  I am surrounded by great people.  There are worse things out there for me to worry about.  This is so miniscule.  Silly girl.