Watch the world burn

So Shawn says I'm a nice person.  Of course, under the boyfriend code, it's what he must say.  But fine, let's be serious.  I believe he means it when he said it to me; but I couldn't help but wonder, what exactly defines kindness.  Surely the people I have been mean to in the past won't think I'm that great.  Granted, I know I've changed over the years, "matured", if I may even honour myself with that word.  I love making people smile, and making people laugh.  I love being kind to people as it makes me feel like I am standing on a fluffy cloud.  It's a good feeling that nothing in the world can really top.  Even after all the unpleasant arguments I've had with Shawn in the past, after my occasional rage cries, he is still able to look at me in the eyes and say I'm kind.  I honestly cannot be more thankful for that.  In my opinion, that's what nice is.  The ability to overlook and ignore the uglies of a person and let their mistakes go and simply love them for how they are.  I know I have issues with letting things go.  But I'll be good, I have promised myself that.  


I feel my parents though... see me as someone who is quite the opposite of the girl Shawn describes me to be.  Ah, the folks, they always make a good tale.  Though it's a story for another time.

Now there's a batman

Shawn said something today that made me think hard and made me blush like mad... but I'm super sleepy... I'll update later... night world... 
and oh, I'm level 54 on diablo now; and I'm significantly stronger than I was a few hours ago.  I don't die as easily, and my damager is better than before.  I'm finally confident in my abilities to take on monsters solo.  
I'm going to dream about the game tonight.....

Hit me

Tonight, Shawn said something that made my year.


He said I was the nicest person he knows.


It's amazing how simple words can brighten one's life so easily.

I Stick A Razor In My Mouth

After a semi-rough morning, the rest of the night went quite well.


I went to the night market!  Though short on cash, the tiny bit of food I bought was so delicious.  The closest thing to getting chinese street vendor around here.  The skewers all looked sooooooo good but unfortunately the people I was with were full.  Maybe next time!  I saw the cutest thing on sale there, I'm not sure how to describe it, but it was filled with asian goodness.


The ice-cream red bean shaved ice we bought was so tasty.  Though afterwards when I thought about it, the toppings they gave us were very little, 80% of what we paid for was ice.  :(

I saw owen and some other old friends at the night market.  It's been ages.  It was nice.  Familiar faces always brings me joy but also a bit of sadness, for I realize how much my life parted from theirs.   Life moves on, and I can't stop it.  As much as I thought I missed them, I realize that the fact I didn't make as hard an effort to see them means that I have grown used to the distance.  They are still important to me, but I don't physically need them beside me the way I used to.

Shawn bussed me home after the night market.  I think I forgot to thank him when I got off the bus.  I feel bad and feel really rude.  He let me sleep on his lap and stroked my eyebrows and forehead.  It was heavenly.  I never feel more at peace and comfortable that I do when he does that to me.  Darn I did wish that bus would drive on forever.


I just played hell on Diablo.  Wow, it was so incredible.  It's my favourite level.  The amount of times I die did not exponentially increase, for I die in nightmare all the time.  I can't wait until I play inferno.  But that means beating Diablo in hell...
Oh nose...
What are we goings to doooos :(


Oh yeah, Peter has a funny duck face.  I just burst out laughing when I pictured it again.


Now I can't stop laughing.


I'll be giggling in my dreams all night long!

Comes The Knight

I came here to study.  But mostly, I came here to visit him, to see him and get a glimpse of that flashy smile I love so much.


Instead, I'm sitting out here on the kitchen table, alone, class notes opened in front of me, but unable concentrate.  He?  In his room, playing Diablo.  Fun game I must say.  I'm rather addicted.  But I can't help but feel a tiny bit of loath towards the game, for sometimes I feel that I am second best when compared.  I know I'm not, and I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it.  It's hard to journey all the way to visit someone when I barely a proper greeting.  He didn't even get out of his lying position to even take time to appreciate the fact I'm standing right there in front of him.  Perhaps he did, and it's my fault for being such a princess I feel like it wasn't enough.  I feel a bit pointless here.  It makes no difference whether I'm in the house or not at this point, for neither of us are acknowledging each other.  Is this normal behaviour?  I guess it is for us.  Then why do I still a bit unnatural over this?  If it's normal I shouldn't be feeling all these emotions.  I hate myself so so much for being like this.  I can always join him, and have fun with him.  But I feel that at this point, if I log on, I won't be able to have fun like the way I normally do.
Do I do this to him when he comes over?  I don't think so, but I'll make sure I pay attention to my actions next time.  
I know he doesn't mean to be rude.  He's a good guy.  If I tell him to stop, I know he will.  But I wouldn't feel too happy doing so, because I know it wasn't voluntary.  And honestly, if I tell him to stop, I don't know what we can really do together.  I'm always up for going outside, but the weather today isn't as good as yesterday, and he has to study for his midterm tomorrow, so I can't drag him into doing something that will suck up his entire day.


It's deja vu.  I'm am holding everything in.  I can't get mad.  I can't rage for it will solve nothing.  I must change and learn to let things go and not take everything so seriously.  It's only a game.  I need not to start a war with Diablo, because I know once Diablo is over, another game will take its place, and it'll be the same thing over again.  I must learn to appreciate his love for games.  And I do.
He has taught me so much yesterday about techniques and ways I can survive longer.  I believe I'm better than I used to be, and for me, improvement is always shined upon by a positive light.


I'm calming down now.  Heartbeat returning to regular pace.  HP recovering slowly.  I am good.  Today will be a good day.


==========================================


He just came out, for a second I thought he came to say hi, but he went into the bathroom.  


Let it go Linda... let it go... :(


Oh he came and hugged me.  


Smile Linda.  
I must smile.
Choke the tears and the runny nose.  I am loved.  I am appreciated.  Life is happy.  I am surrounded by great people.  There are worse things out there for me to worry about.  This is so miniscule.  Silly girl.

Out of the darkness

I think I need to start exercising again.  I am more moody than I normally am these days... and that is horrible.  Moody Linda is so unpleasant I think if I were to meet myself in that state I would smack myself so hard I fly up to the moon.


On the bright side, I think I might be doing okay in compsci 313.  Shawn is super patient with me in his teachings.  I can't thank him enough.  I brought his kway teow he left at my place when he cooked for my mom back to his place today, but I forgot to tell him.  My mom bought fresh bean sprouts for him.  I'll bring it over tomorrow.


SOOOO I attempted to make deep fried dumplings for him today, and tried to make the dumpling wrap from scratch.  I failed epicly.  I remember there were these deep fried dumplings I bought from t&t before and they were scrumptious, I decided to use them as today's inspiration.
Oh nose...
Mistake #1, Not enough flavouring added to the flour
Mistake #2, Not enough time mixing the egg evenly into the dough
Mistake #3... "attempt" to wrap it beautifully.... but instead it turned out to look like a pile of poo.


I've never had much experience with cooking, but I love to come up with things on the spot and try out new things.  But when I fail, I usually fail with misery mixed with laughter for it is in the most absurd ways I fail.  Prime example would be today's dumplings.  I wish I got to take a picture before Shawn eated it.


==============================================

" and he cried out with a loud voice, as when a lion roareth; and when he cried, seven thunders uttered their voices."

- revelation 10:3

I liked that quote so much after reading kingdom come I saved an entire page of pdf with simply that typed in the middle. hyuk.

I found it when I was looking through my old writings. 

I remember back in the days when I used to copy out sentences or even paragraphs I thought were beautifully written and saving them so I can re-appreciate them over and over again once I had to return the book to the library.  

I found the draft prologue of a dragon story I was supposed to write.  I'm going to pick it up again soon.  I don't have plot in mind, so I'll just make it up as I go.  

Shawn's an incredible artist.  I wish I could have a copy of everything he draws.  

He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.

Today Peter father took us out for dinner.  He bought us beer.  I am unable to drink, but I didn't want to be rude, thus I took a couple of sips.  I'm pathetically intolerant to alcohol, and turned into a tomato within seconds.  It's rather embarrassing, but his father was so kind as to being okay with me not finishing the rest of the beer.


My mom told me she cannot drink at all, for her heart beats fast and then her throat feels funny and she has problems breathing.  I feel like I'm also kind of like that.  My heart beats very fast, and my breath becomes shorter and faster.  I wonder if I practice drinking by drinking a bit everyday, if it would help me become more tolerant to alcohol.


I got to ride in a convertible for the first time in my life, the wind in my hair is such a nice feeling, my dream car might have turned into a convertible, but then of course, it must still be black and look batman/sportscar-ish.  Sammie's very kind to drive Shawn and me all the way to the beach.  Last time I could tell Shawn hauling all that stuff on his back was painful, my back ached just looking at him.  I wanted to help, but he didn't let me carry it.
I tend to feel spoiled when he refuses me to carry anything, or help out around the house, and it's a feeling I'm not used to, and it's a feeling I'm too afraid I'll get used to.  Maybe that's why I'm permanently fighting him for the grocery bags, no matter how heavy they are.  :D  If I have two hands, might as well make use of them.  That's what I think at least.


The BBQ we had at lunch was fun, but the wind was too too strong.  I really wish I had a hairband. I got so annoyed with my hair blocking my eyesight I never wished I could be more bald in my life. There's always a lady walking around asking us if we could give her our empty cans.  I get a funny feeling in my stomach when I see her.  She's very cute, old and very tanned asian woman with a hat.  She reminds me of my home in China, where there's always an old lady who looked like her selling tofu downstairs of my old apartment.  I feel very very sad when I see her eye the cans that are there, but are not empty.  I wish I can walk around and help her collect cans.  The next time I'm there, I'm going to give her some money, and help her collect cans, and pick up some garbage around the beach.  I'll also see if I can give the can lady some of our food, because we always have extra food that go to waste.


I can't wait to fly the kite Shawn and I (tho mostly Shawn) will make.  The design is really good, but I'm not sure if the wood we bought will be strong enough to handle the wind.  I'm going to start watching videos on how to make kites, and help him out.  I'm very excited.  Shawn is very talented.  He has good ideas to implement for the kite.


The other day Karen asked me to choose a puzzle with a nice picture so she and Dennis can build the puzzle and then frame it.  Which reminds me, Shawn and I were supposed to do that a while back.  Maybe when the kite is done we can start the puzzle.
Random list of things to do with Shawn:  Build the kite.  Fly the kite.  Add more designs on our elvish shirts.  Work on the assassin's creed hoodie.  Puzzle.  Probably more but this is all I can think of for the time being.


My fingers are oily, and I can see my keyboard becoming greasy.  :(


I have so much on my mind, I'll add more later.


================================


It is later!


Thanks Shawhn for liking my previous post :)


I have an article for The Ubyssey due today, but unfortunately, the professors I'm supposed to interview is not in town, and she said she would prefer to talk to me in person when she is back, as answering interview questions over e-mail takes too long.  I hope I get an extension.  I feel like I have homework to do, even though this is simply a hobby.  I want to be like Lois Lane, where I become to best journalist in town.  Her fiery passion for news inspires me.


I'm going to find my old Batman comics and post a bit of it here, and see if anybody will actually read it.  I never got around to finishing it, though I have the story in my head.  I feel that it is too linear.  I need to be more creative.  I feel my imagination is diminishing.  I used to be so active with my mind.  Time to pick up reading again.  I miss books.  I can't remember the last book I read that was not a comic.  Time to hit Chapters and spend an entire day there!!  I really need to "re-read" the Hobbit, although I never properly finished the book.  I want to know the story well before I go watch the movie.  I can't wait for the movie.  Why the heck is the world "movie" underlined in red when I type?!?!  Apparently, blogspot, or maybe it is my computer, doesn't think "movie" is a word.


Movie Movie Movie!


How curious.